Expenses, expenses

Why must life be so expensive? I am trying hard to save, but there are always expected and unexpected expenses coming along the way... Being good with shopping for the last few months, I have probably saved a few hundred dollars. However, a stupid mistake costs me $550. Oh well, I guess lesson learned. There will be also another $375k of "expected" expense in my life... God, please let me know this is the right decision made.

Communication

I wonder if this is God's way of answering my prayer. I felt like I have been lacking communications with my parents all these years, and I really wanted to do something about it. However, due to all kinds of historic reasons, I had trouble bringing home anything but good news. I felt like good news is the only thing that would please them, and everything else would get me in trouble. Today I realized it is all one big misunderstanding due to the lack of communication. My mom probably think I am too self-centered and do not care about her feelings at all. She has her reasons; she probably felt disrespected when I never ask her opinions about anything I do. What she doesn't know is the reason I don't tell her in the first place. It was hard for me to tell them things they may not like, because the answer is always "no no no" when I was younger. As I grow up, I still have the same mentality. It was just making it difficult for everyone, and as time goes by, the situation intensified.

I hope this is the start of our communication flow after 27 years. I have big plans coming in the future, and I do hope my parents will be there to support me, no matter what they were. God, please look after us.

"I already gave my best, and I have no regrets at all"

My dream place was sold. However, we did everything we could. We were the first ones to see the place. We were the first ones to make an offer. Uncle presented in person twice with our offers. We threw out extra cash for the place. However, even with our very best, that was not good enough. The other buyer barely had any subjects, and they probably had it all in cash. Maybe this is God's plan. I really tried my very best, so it is just very unfortunate that it did not happen the way I want it. Perhaps there is a better opportunity somewhere, some time, when everyone is more ready for it. The best usually happens when you are not looking too hard. I will continue to try my best and hope for the best. Please provide me with strength and patience.

A busy weekend...

A lot has been achieved so far this weekend. I made my newly invented world-famous pasta on Friday, went to Steve and Amy's wedding on Saturday at noon, and went to China's fireworks on Saturday night. Yesterday I went to do tons of grocery shopping, and tons of house shopping. I think I ran into the house of my dreams. I guess the fact that the last place didn't work out wasn't a loss at all. However, for this "unexpected" change, is this a good sign or bad sign of some kind? Or do I just worry too much that this change is something normal to happen? Regardless, I really hope things will go well, because I know this place can bring me a lot of happiness. God, I present this in Your hand. Please look after us.

There are still so much more that needs to be done.... Hopefully I can mark this one thing off my checklist at least.

Prayer answered

I haven't been a very good Christian (if at all), but God has been a good Father and He listens to me. I was really really upset about our future, but God sent someone to let me approach the problem with a different perspective, and at the same time another positive respond was received. I really hope this is the last time I need to fight a battle alone.

The place I liked has an accepted offer already. :( I guess it is alright since there is no urgency of moving out. Maybe there will even be a better place waiting out there for us. Since I have been looking more already, I can tell what is good and what is not good, what I like and what I don't like, and whether the price is reasonable. God, I have told you my goals, please look out for me.

Excellent talk

Thanks a lot for the excellent talk. It was great that I got a lot of insights without really discussing what the problem was. This is my plan:

1. As promised, I will give you time to think about this problem on your own without nagging you day after day. This will only ruin our relationship. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can change yourself, not me.
   
2. If nothing is done with the time given (I hope this won't be the case), I will try to understand reasons of why things are not being done, instead of giving you a lecture of how disappointed I was. That can only hurt your feelings.
3. I will ask myself if nothing is changed at the end of the day, will I be able to accept the way you are. It is regarding career this time, but who knows what will come up next? I have to learn to take the good with the bad. Compromise is key. I know you have a lot of great qualities. However, motivation and initiative are two very important traits to me too. There are probably things you don't like about me too. Is this something we can work together? Can we give each other motivations to become a better person? I really hope we can work things out.

I really love you, we make a great team. Let's do this together.

A heavy heart

Maybe it was the heat. I woke up feeling terrible this morning. I felt like there was a big rock sitting on my heart. Something deep down there really hurts, and I had trouble forcing a smile on my face. It reminds me of the feeling I get after a breakup. I am really scared. Many signs are telling me that we are getting closer and closer together. Every time we had a big fight, I feel like I know you more, and that we will have a great future together. We have a great time together, even when we are doing the simplest thing. However, this "career" deal has really been bothering me. I have been trying to convey the same messages to you over and over again and you seemed to be responding positively. I was so happy when you say you will grow up and try to put your act together. I truly believed that you will do it. Time has gone by and no action has been taken. I feel fooled. I feel like I am fighting this battle on my own, one that wasn't mine to begin with. I am not asking you to have a great job now. I am just asking you to show me some responsibility and initiative. You failed me. Can I give my life to someone who is lacking these qualities? At the end of the day, career isn't everything in life. But often, small details show what type of person you are. With the lack of motivation, I am not sure if you can be the man I can depend my life on. Sometimes I do question myself, you are great otherwise, am I just picking on the one "flaw" of yours? Can I overlook this and just love you the way you are? You love me dearly, and so do I. You are caring, gentle, and kind. You are the best boyfriend I could ever have. Is this also good enough to be the great husband that I have always dreamed of? I am not sure. I really need you to grow up. There are times I want to discuss things with you, get opinions from you, and not just make decisions for you. I do see a lot of potentials in you, but you have to realize your potentials. How long will you need? How long can I tolerate? I told you that I will give you three weeks. No matter how terrible this feeling is, I will try my best to stay positive to give you one more chance. Honey, I truly believe in you, so please don't fail me again. God, I know he is the man of my life. Please help us to walk through this difficult time together.